you're like a bully in the Christmas story
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
