Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
