hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
ttyl tear gas
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
