i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
