it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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