It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
