Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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