dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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