I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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