we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
