We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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