I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize