That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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