he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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