for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
