if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
