They should really pass out barf bags in church
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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