my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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