Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
