went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
