How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
