New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
