Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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