Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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