my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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