Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
