Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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