he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
