You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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