i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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