I hate all girls vehemently.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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