I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just pee around me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize