You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
