Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize
