Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
