So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
