Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
