I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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