Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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