90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She bit a glass in half.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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