So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
