I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
