im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
