just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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