YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
