Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
