I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
