I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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