I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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