I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize