as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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