My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
