I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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