dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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