Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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