My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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