Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
