Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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