fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
