Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
