garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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