No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
