Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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