Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am midnight drunk by noon
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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