Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i out mim tonsoeep
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