You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
