I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
