You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
