Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
