in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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