youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
