Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
